When Sex Takes A Backseat

The midlife years are not as testosterone explosive as adolescence, definitely.

The 40-somethings have other pleasures in mind. Sex becomes a bonus, if it happens, good. If not, still good.

Originally, a gorgeous body is enough to make us salivate. But now, what's good on the outside, should be better on the inside. Brains become the sexiest organ a person can have.

Gone is the pressure of the youth that someone's got to get laid.

The search becomes a better restaurant, as you search for a better date than the last one.

Suddenly, the meal is as important as the date. Perhaps the consolation of the palate experiencing flavorful and fine tastes compensate to the lack of brains to a body right across you at the dinner table.

If it works, good. If not, oh, what a fine meal that was, at least.

Sometimes too, the yummy body disappears when the date turns out to be a witty and intelligent one. Too much talk can lessen the desire to cavort. There's a potential friend material that takes over an originally potential bed playmate.

Unless too much alcohol takes over. Alcohol indeed adds heat to the insides of the body. And it adds courage to finally say, "my place?" Before the physical momentum dwindles, and the mental momentum increases, spice up the conversation with more wine. The buzz temporarily paralyzes your mental faculties, then the gut desire of a sexual conquest comes back.

The sexiness of a body definitely vanishes with a shallow, superficial date. The shrimp theory, meaning, delicious if only the head was removed, doesn't only apply to facial attraction. It also means there's nothing in the head. It's hard to have a battle with the brainless.

Also, unlike the youthful years when ambience is not important, as long as the physical desires are consummated, now it is a consideration. It removes the cheapness of a quickie, and makes the act more dignified, to validate the life that has been lived, because, taste improves through the years. And yes, income increases too, so you can afford ambience.

Gone is the thrill of making it out in a car, or in a university lagoon, wherever and whenever libido strikes. This time, a soft bed, crisp and fresh linen, good music, ample air conditioning, and sometimes indirect lighting begin to matter.

The rawness and freshness of youth can be missed, too. There's not much cosmetic nor anti-aging care concoctions on the skin of the potential prey, so when a kiss lands and examines every body part, the taste is organic, and natural. It's unadulterated, unmanufactured, the way nature intended it to be. Now that's an older consenting adult encounter's pitfall. Too much has happened and has been applied on the face. Worse, some nip and tuck must have occurred at this stage in life.

Travel is a booster and an aphrodisiac indeed. If you have been steady, constant sexual partners, a change of scenery would rekindle the lost foreplay. Again, at this age, ambience matters. The thrill of a new place to see, seems like you're dating for the first time again.

All this boils down to is, sex is more expensive in the adult life. And it doesn't matter if it happens or not. What matters is, the individual pursuit of comfort, good food, and good talk can be more than enough rather than the pursuit of a good lay. One cannot exist anymore without the other considerations before ending up removing your fine, hard-earned expensive wardrobe.